


Bowser's Skeletal Extravaganza

by LooseGazpacho



Category: Alan Ford, Kill la Kill (Anime & Manga), Real life shit - Fandom, Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Team Fortress 2
Genre: Action/Adventure, Military, Mystery, Pure insanity, Russian Mafia, Skeletons, geopolitics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29920305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LooseGazpacho/pseuds/LooseGazpacho
Summary: Bowser goes on a quest for a bigger army while he gets to know oddities about the world. Featuring characters from other universes.





	Bowser's Skeletal Extravaganza

**Author's Note:**

> Gonna post the whole fic from FF.net to here as well.

There was an far away monarchy named Mushroom Kingdom. This kingdom consist of numerous ecosystems, ranging from poisonous swamps, gloomy forests, burning hot deserts and many more. However by far the most populated area in this land is a rather small town named Toad Town, which is located somewhere in the grassland area.

The brick roads of the town were accompanied by a few broadleaf trees and patches of grass on the each side. The colorful stone-made houses were placed near the roads, randomly placed altogether. In the middle of the town there was a large sparkling fountain. The water gently flew down the architecture from a five point star statue. The birds were bathing in the water. Around the town there were little mushroom-like fellows named Toads walking around and minding their own business. Behind the town there was a big gray castle with orange roofs. The castle had a giant stained glass in the middle. The stained glass had the figure of a blonde princess in pink dress on it. In front of the castle there was a wooden bridge, connecting the land and the building itself. The towering albeit majestic castle was surrounded by clear water with few fish in it.

Nothing eventful was happening in the town….or at least every day that is not Wednesday.

Every single Wednesday they get attacked by the opposing kingdom. That kingdom is known as Bowser's Kingdom, named after the fierce but dim-witted tyrant himself. Every single invasion ends up him kidnapping the monarch of the Mushroom Kingdom herself, Princess Peach. Luckily for her she always gets saved by her loyal plumbers, Mario and Luigi. In the end of the day, Bowser's rear always gets kicked. But on one certain Wednesday, things went down quite differently than usual.

It was a sunny, cloudless day in Toad Town. Toads were just doing their own business, be it trading or just being nice to each other. Mario, Luigi and Peach were having a tea party in the castle. The light through stained glass reflected beautifully on the checkered floor. The walls were painted in blue, accompanied by the paintings of the fluffy clouds and sentient hills. The trio were sitting behind the round table, sipping the tea that Peach has made.

"Mamma Mia! That is a very good-a tea!" complimented Mario.

"Thank you for inviting us for a tea-a party, Princess!" Luigi also complimented Peach.

"Aww, I'm glad that you guys like it." smiled Peach towards them.

Suddenly dark thundering clouds appeared out of nowhere. The once cloudless, blue sky turned into a thunderous, darkness filled celestial dome. Residents were panicking over the drastic change, running around circles in the town. Multiple lightnings struck down the soil of the town. No trees were damaged though. The thunder echoed through the town and beyond. Even the sentient hills were frightened. The interior of the castle darkened a lot. Peach was shaking in fear while Mario was looking around confusingly. Luigi nearly fell unconscious because of this.

"Luigi!" shouted both Mario and Peach, being concerned for his well being.

Numerous flashes enlightened the entire castle. Every time a burst of light happened, a silhouette appeared behind the stained glass. An imposing, turtle-like silhouette. Luigi regained his consciousness and noticed the threat. Mario and Luigi quickly recognized the shadow behind the glass and glared menacingly at it. Peach stood behind them, knowing that she will be safe.

"GWAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!" the reptilian silhouette roared with laughter. Suddenly the silhouette jumped through the stained glass and absolutely shattered it into pieces. It was none other than Bowser, their mortal arch-nemesis. Bowser landed on the checkered floor, breaking some of the tiles in the process. Mario and Luigi put up their fists as they were about to fight. The menacing turtle looked at his enemies.

"Hey, Mario! Guess what day it is? It is the day where I SWOOP Peach right in front of your nose and claim your kingdom as MINE!" said Bowser as he prepared himself to reach Princess Peach.

The plumbers stared down to him as they were about to strike Bowser any moment now. They stared at him for quite some time. Suddenly their frowns and glaring eyes turned into a smile and they looked very relaxed. They were waving their hands as they were about to leave Bowser. Even Peach was waving towards Bowser. She was giggling at this.

"...WHAT?! WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?! HOW DARE YOU LAUGH AT ME! DID I SAY SOMETHING FUNNY?" roared the enraged Bowser.

Bowser noticed something weird about this situation.

"Huh….my knees feel a bit funny." he said, checking the wobbly feeling of his legs.

Little did he know that Mario, Peach and Luigi were expecting him to attack. Luigi pointed at the floor. Bowser looked at the floor and saw that he landed on a large spring.

"WHA-" screamed Bowser before he was launched off, flying right through the very stained window that he obliterated. He was yelling through out the whole of his "journey"

"So long, King Bowser!" said Mario as he laughed harder with his companions.

The dark clouds have disappeared from the sky and it was blue once again. Bowser was flying through the Toad Town. He was flailing his arms through the whole time. During his flight he could see the other lands as well, even the far away sea and the sentient hills of the near. The direction of his flight seemed like it's gonna end near the fountain, where a bunch of Toads gathered together. Toads revealed that they were preparing a huge trampoline for him. Bowser hit the trampoline with high velocity and full force, but the trampoline was sturdy and flexible enough to bounce him high in the air once again. Toads cherished this moment with all their joy and jumped in the air, knowing that they defeated their enemy.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Bowser as he was launched in the air once again.

The direction of the traveling turtle was south, approaching the poisonous swamps. The swamps were covered in purple fog. The gloomy, spiky trees accompanied the scattered ponds. At the edge of the swamp there was a crystal clear pond, standing out of the other toxin-filled ponds. It seemed like Bowser was going to land right into the clean pond. Bowser somehow dodged all the trees while falling in the straight line and splashed right into that pond. He did not stay for too long as the giant boxing glove spring from the bottom of the lake punched him and sending him right back into the atmosphere once again. Bowser couldn't even react because this happened so quickly. This time he was gaining height vertically.

The troposphere above the swamps was full of fluffy, cotton-like clouds, which were slowly floating to the destination unknown. The sun shone through them with sunshine popping out of them. Some of the clouds were formed together, looking like an ocean of aerosol. Bowser was still flailing his arms like a maniac. He passed through multiple clouds as he slowly started to lose speed. At the certain height, he disappeared in the very thick cloud. For few moments he was stuck in that cloud. Nothing could be heard but silence.

Suddenly Bowser was launched out of the aforementioned cloud, being faster than before. However, he didn't even bother to react. He just sighed and supported his head with his left arm, embracing his impending fate. His orange eyebrows were wiggling around as the wind blew in them. He was approaching the surface with almost the speed of sound. Once he passed through all the view-obscuring clouds again, he saw his destination. It was his own kingdom.

The corrosive red soil painted the barren wasteland that was his kingdom. The land was surrounded by the boiling lava instead of gentle water. The volcanoes were emerging from the lakes of lava, constantly spouting the hot molten substance, filling the lakes with it. In the middle of the land an enormous dark gray castle stood proudly. The entrance had a giant sculpture of Bowser's head on it, which would welcome any guest with dread. The roof resembled Bowser's own shell. The towers were designed so they would resemble Bowser's arms. The castle signified the tyrant's malicious influence. The castle was connected by the robust, metallic bridge. Bowser, still in the same pose, crashed right before the bridge, leaving a rather large crater and dust flew up in the sky. Once the dust settled, Bowser stood up, having no bruises anywhere on his body. Only a bit of dust was in his eyes, but he cleaned them out quickly. He looked at his castle and took a deep breath before suddenly smashing his fist in the ground, causing a tiny earthquake. He then stomped the ground with his bulky feet, causing even more minor earthquakes.

"THAT'S IT! THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'VE BEEN SO HUMILIATED IN MY LIFE!" roared Bowser as he raised his arms in the air, vowing revenge. He slowly walked to the entrance, stomping all the way through.

The turtle men named Koopas and brown bipedal fungus-like creatures named Goombas were residing in the castle. They could feel the stomps of their enraged ruler as they bounced around the concrete floor.

"Prepare yourself, boys! The King's coming!" screamed a random Koopa as the two lines of people were created by the both sides of the red carpet, on one side Koopas and on the other side Goombas, standing calmly like statues. The stomping abruptly stopped. Koopas and Goombas were breathing heavily, knowing what would happen next.

Bowser punched the massive door, sending it thrusting through the hallway. The door crashed into another door and fell in pieces.

"Whelp, here goes the new door that we've been repairing for months." sighed a generic Goomba.

Bowser, having a scowling frown on his face and lowered eyebrows, was stomping to the end of the hallway while his troops were trembling in their knees.

"H-h-h-how was your day, Your Majesty?" asked an unimportant Koopa.

Bowser stopped at that Koopa and glared at him with steam coming out of his nose. His eyes were filled with the fires of wrath. His fists were shaking like an volcano that was about to erupt.

"How was it? HOW WAS IT?! DOES IT LOOK LIKE IT'S BEEN A GOOD DAY FOR ME?" said Bowser, pointing at his eyes. He then stomped further as his troops were bouncing on the floor.

The unsatisfied king continued walking towards the exit after his tantrum has subsided.

Later that day he was sitting on his beloved throne, constantly tapping the arm of the chair with his meaty fingers. The humongous, spiky throne styled after himself was surrounded by the barren gray walls of the castle. The room was lightened by the golden chandeliers which spherical beings with jagged teeth like Chain-Chomps held them from the ceiling. These chandeliers weren't the only source of the light. Some of the floor had holes in it. They were filled with lava. On the walls from all sides were pictures of Bowser himself performing various acts such as terrorizing the inhabitants of the unknown kingdom, bombarding Mushroom Kingdom with his wooden, ferocious airships and playing tennis with Princess Peach. However the biggest picture was just behind the throne. It covered three of the fourths of that wall. It portrayed himself, standing proudly with his own eight children. Below the picture there was a caption that said: "Me with my family, being awesome!".

Bowser was just staring at whatever was in front of his nose, still tapping his fingers on the arm of the throne and not changing his expression at all. He didn't even blink at all for hours.

Suddenly a robed turtle wizard broke through the door, slamming it hard on the wall. It was Kamek, his loyal companion. Bowser has noticed him but he didn't react in any way.

"Master Bowser! What is the reasons for such sour mood?" asked Kamek.

"Oh, nothing. It was just that I'VE BEEN FLYING OVER THE ENTIRE MUSHROOM KINGDOM LIKE A FOOL." replied Bowser, with all of his rage intact.

"Calm down, Your Mayesty! It was just a bad day! Don't take it to your stone cold heart too much." tried Kamek to calm down Bowser, but to no effect.

"Kamek, you don't get the point! It's not just that I've been humiliated so hard, it's the fact that THEY KNEW I WAS COMING! THOSE PESKY PLUMBERS KNEW WHEN AND WHERE I WAS ABOUT TO LAND! THEY EVEN KNEW HOW TO SEND ME BACK THERE! I've spend months, MONTHS, preparing for my "THUNDEROUS SURPRISE SWOOP" plan and it was all for NOTHING! The worst part is…..I didn't even lay a finger on Princess Peach. She….didn't took me seriously at all..." said Bowser as his emotions changed from blazing fury towards the unusual somberness of his. He looked at the floor and sniffed quietly.

"….Darn. Sorry to hear that, King Bowser." said Kamek, thinking about helping Bowser but he had no idea how to help. He scratched her chin, trying to come up with a decent idea.

"Maybe…..maybe we should attack someday that is not Wednesday." said Kamek.

"Bwah! You know I'm busy every single day in the week that is not Wednesday!? As a king I have duties to do!" Bowser quickly disputed Kamek's claims.

Long silence followed after this conversation. They were both thinking of a solution to this problem.

"Kamek…." Bowser suddenly spoke in a calm way.

"Yes, Your Majesty?" asked Kamek.

"Did I become too….uhhh….rusty?" asked Bowser somberly.

"What? N-n-no, Your-" spouted Kamek before Bowser slammed his fist on the arm, interrupting whatever Kamek was about to say.

"HAVE YOU NOT BEEN LISTENING TO ME BEFORE? I WOULDN'T BE SAYING THIS IF NONE OF THIS NONSENSE WOULD HAPPEN!" raged Bowser for a bit, before taking a deep breath and trying to come up with something rational.

"I've become predictable for them….What should I do to….NOT be as EMBARRASSINGLY DEFEATED AS I WAS TODAY?!" shouted Bowser so much that it echoed through the entire castle.

"Perhaps...you should start a new way..." said Kamek before being silenced by the sound of Bowser slamming his fist in the arm of the chair again, but this time he stood up as he was about to beat someone.

"WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY? ARE YOU SAYING THAT I SHOULD…..GIVE UP? NO! I, THE GREAT AND ALMIGHTY BOWSER, WILL NEVER GIVE UP PURSUING PRINCESS PEACH, EVEN IF IT WILL TAKE MILLION YEARS! I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPING HER FOR YEARS AND I SHOULD JUST TOSS THAT LIKE NOTHING? THAT IS ONE OF THE STUPIDEST IDEAS I HAVE HEA-" hammed up Bowser so much that lava almost smelled like bacon.

"...I was about to say that you should change your approach towards kidnapping Peach, not abandoning your villainous roots but okay." Kamek quietly interrupted Bowser's glamorous rant.

"...OH?! So that's what you meant? Go on then…tell me about this "new ways" of kidnapping Princess Peach." said Bowser as he returned to his throne and sat down.

"Well...I would suggest invading her kingdom with something else than Koopas and Goombas."

advised Kamek, which Bowser surprisingly thought about it in depth.

"Hmmm...come to think of it…..Mario and Green Sta...uhh...Luigi do destroy my army single handily….more often than they should…." thought Bowser out loud.

Kamek suddenly remembered why he did visit Bowser. He said: "Oh, I have forgotten about what was I supposed to tell you, Master Bowser!".

"Yeah, what is it?" asked Bowser as raised both of his eyebrows. He made a gesture with his fingers like he was planning something.

"Well...come with me, King. I must show you something" said Kamek.

Kamek lead Bowser through out his castle to reach the balcony, which was located just below the gigantic roof. The balcony had the fence out of marble placed on the edges. A person could get a nice sight of Bowser's kingdom in this place. In the far distance there were large mountains, which at the certain height were covered by the black clouds. These mountains were surrounded by the fellow volcanoes and lava lakes. The particles of dust could be seen by the naked eye.

"Do you see these mountains, Your Highness?" asked Kamek.

"Yes, I have eyes you know." replied Bowser in a deadpan way.

Kamek pointed at the middle mountain and explained: "Well on the highest mountain we have discovered a rather old looking warp pipe there-".

"DOES THAT MEAN THAT THOSE CURSED PLUMBERS HAD A SECRET ENTRANCE TO MY LAIR ALL THE TIME AND I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT?" Bowser interruped Kamek once again with his sudden outburst.

"Fortunately no, Majesty. That is, indeed, not a secret path." said Kamek.

"Phew….perhaps the idea for a secret path to my lair for them is too far-fetched right?" calmed down Bowser.

Kamek continued his explanation: "Perhaps...Anyway….There isn't much information about the pipe. There's only a sign that says: "Enter at your own risk. Seriously. I don't even know where this leads to.". It is located at the highest peak, right on the top, if you are curious."

Bowser looked at the Kamek with curiosity and asked: "Does that mean that this pipe…..might lead to another world?".

Kamek shrugged off with his arms. "Why do you ask, Your Majesty?" he asked.

"If I go to another world…..I COULD BUILD AN ARMY OF PEOPLE STRONGER THAN MARIO! YEAH!" he shouted, but not as loud that it would echo through out the kingdom.

"Uhh...are you sure about..." asked Kamek in concern but Bowser disappeared from his sight. The Koopa wizard looked around to see where did his king go. For a few seconds there was not a single sound through out the entire kingdom. Kamek cleaned his glasses for a bit for the better vision. Suddenly a noise could be heard. It was similar to a tiny propeller cutting through air, making a low sounding but high pitched noise. Once Kamek cleared his vision, he saw Bowser soaring through skies with his own personal transport, the round Koopa Clown Car. He was also laughing like a maniac.

"….that." frowned Kamek upon seeing his king recklessly flying to the new destination.

Suddenly Bowser turned 180 degrees around and rushed back to his home.

"WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!" he was screaming through out the whole time while he was rushing back home. Kamek flinched for a moment when he saw Bowser's sudden decision. Bowser crashed right into the balcony with his Clown Car, but none of the balcony was seriously damaged and the vehicle itself only had few bruises on it.

"HOW DID THIS SLIP OUT OF MY MIND?!" he vigorously shouted as he bum-rushed through his entire castle. Kamek just stared at this, being speechless.

In the northwest tower of the castle there was a large kids room. There were four bunk beds in the room, all of them shaped in the Bowser's style. The walls of this room were colored in almost the same way as Princess Peach's castle, except that instead of sentient hills and stars were rugged looking mountains and chains coming out of the lava. On one of their walls there was a medium sized TV, which had a console plugged in below. The console was called Super Bowsercube 64 Deluxe Edition, which was a bootleg consisting of multiple consoles. There were eight kids in the room, playing with their console. These kids of different appearances were called Ludwig, Morton, Lemmy, Wendy, Iggy, Roy, Larry and Bowser Jr.. The game was played by Morton, Roy, Ludwig and Bowser Jr.. The other Koopalings were intensely looking at the game and rooting for whoever they wanted.

Suddenly Bowser entered the room with force. All of the kids jumped in surprise.

"JUNIOR AND KOOPALINGS! I MAY NEED YOU FOR A MOMENT!" he shouted like it was an urgency.

"What is it, Papa?" they asked.

Bowser sat down next to them and took a deep breath, having a hard time explaining his decision.

"Well, you see….Dad's gonna go on a journey...Perhaps a long one at that. So I'm not gonna be home for quite some time." he said, almost bursting in the tears.

"Where are you going, pops?" asked Bowser Jr..

"….I dunno, Junior. But I guarantee you this: Once I come back….I WILL HAVE A STRONG ARMY! ENOUGH STRONG THAT IT WILL CRUSH MARIO LIKE A BUG!" he declared, much to his own kid's joy.

"Can we go, can we go too?" asked Larry and Iggy.

Bowser looked sadly at them, knowing that he can't fulfill their desires.

"….Sorry, but I can't let you. It's….too dangerous for all of you." he murmured while looking at the floor.

"Awwww…." all of the kids shouted in union.

"I WANNA SMASH!" shouted Morton as he stomped on the floor.

Bowser pat Morton's shoulder and said: "You will smash your enemies like bugs, Morton. WE ALL WILL…..but once I know it will be safe for all of you to join my cruise. However…..".

The kids looked at their dad, curiously waiting what will he say.

"…..you can all take control of my kingdom when I'm gone!" he promised them.

The kids gasped in excitement. "REALLY?" they all shouted in surprise.

"YES INDEED, MY CHILDREN! BUT….TAKE CARE OF IT! DON'T LEAVE IT IN SHAMBLES, PLEASE!" he ordered them with excitement.

Koopalings and Junior all cheered for Bowser's statement. "THANKS, DAD!" they all shouted.

"YOU'RE WELCOME! BUT NOW I MUST GO! I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO!" he said as he was about to leave their room but stopped.

"Just...one more thing." he said as he proceeded to hug all of his kids. He slightly squeezed them but not too much and then he let them go continue playing their games.

"BYE, POPS!" they all shouted as they waved at him in farewell.

Bowser rushed through the castle once again, this time returning to the balcony, where he had his Koopa Clown Car "parked". He jumped straight in the vehicle but before he went on the journey, he gave an order to Kamek: "KAMEK! YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS WHILE I'M ABSENT! THAT IS YOUR ONLY ORDER TODAY!".

"Yes, Sir Bowser!" he saluted towards the ascending Bowser. After his king left the area, he turned around a sighed: "Oh dear…..".

Bowser was slowly approaching the mountains, flying higher and higher. He reached the layer of black, particle filled clouds. He couldn't see anything but dust when he flew through the clouds. He covered his nose so that particles of dust won't enter his nostrils. Some of the particles did go in his eyes so he was squinting during the time he flew through the fog. After the minutes of the flight he finally escaped the clouds. He cleaned his eyes out and threw the particles back into the clouds but due the wind, which was blowing towards him, made particles enter his mouth. He started coughing loudly. Bowser coughed so hard that he spat a fireball towards the clouds. Once the fireball reached the clouds, an explosion occurred in them due the explosive nature of the particles. Bowser stared at the moment with wide eyes, not expecting that would happen at all. He quickly returned to his own plan and flew higher towards the highest mountain.

The highest mountain (actual name unknown) dwarfed other mountains in comparison. Some of the mountains had their peaks showing just barely over the layer of fog. The aforementioned mountain on other hand, was so high that it almost seemed that it could reach stratosphere. On the peak there was a rusty steel pipe, standing over the kingdom like a lonely buzzard. There was a sign next to it that said: " Enter at your own risk. Seriou-". The sign couldn't display its full message because half of it fell off.

Bowser finally reached the pipe. He was floating right above it. He looked at it and smirked.

"HAH! NOW I HAVE FINALLY FOUND YOU, PIPE! NEW SOLDIERS TO GAIN AND NEW WORLDS TO CONQUER! HERE I GO!" he screamed as he jumped out of his Clown Car.

He fell like a stone being thrown out of the window. He was also laughing during his descent. He landed in the pipe but he got stuck in it. The joy on his face quickly turned into frustration.

"ARGH! STUPID PIPE!" he shouted once again as he attempted to squeeze in the pipe so he could finally reach another world. After few seconds he finally fell in the pipe, rapidly accelerating his fall into the unknown.


End file.
